My List of Demands

  1. All episodes of MASH directed by Alan Alda to be destroyed immediately.
  2. MasterChef will fuck right off and not return. Ever.
  3. Marshmallows. A steady supply of them delivered fresh daily. White, not pink.
  4. A letter from the Queen. I don’t care what’s in it, but ideally she’d use the C-word.
  5. Vodafone Arena to be renamed Tina Arena Arena.
Lists Shortlink

The three stages of getting older

This is the closest I can get to writing an Australia Day post.

  1. You know most of the songs in the JJJ Hottest 100, but think the majority of them are shit. You bemoan the fact that this year isn’t as good as previous years.
  2. You don’t recognise most of the songs in the JJJ Hottest 100. This saddens you, and you vow to listen to more new music in the year to come. This is vow which you know you will break, but you’re not going to admit it.
  3. You don’t know any of the songs in the JJJ Hottest 100 and, frankly, couldn’t give a fuck.
Lists Shortlink

The seven stages of greif Christmas

Stage 1: Shock and Denial

Stage 1 is characterised by such statements as “It can’t be Christmas already.” and “Where did the year disappear to?” Christmas denial is linked to a superstitious belief that every successive calendar year is in some way shorter than the one which preceded it. Continue Reading →

Lists Shortlink

Five things I like about cheese

  1. Even when it smells like feet, it tastes great. In fact, the more it smells like feet, the better it’s likely to taste.
  2. It goes with anything. Pasta. Pickled Onions. Bread. Fruit. Beer. Wine. Crackers. Salad. Chances are, if you can eat it or drink it, there’s at least one type of cheese to go with it.
  3. It has varieties and styles which range from the humble to the decadent.
  4. Cheese, like wine and beer, is crafted with equal parts science, art and alchemy. The process which begins with milk and ends in cheese is deeply, richly magical. People should write songs about it.
  5. When it’s mouldy, you don’t throw it out. You rejoice.
Lists Shortlink